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The war of the phallos        Page 133       

Listing of safety interdictions and obligation imposed to indigenous people, in order to fight terrorism all together

These non-legistative commands were made necessary by the terrorist acts against innocent colons. They were written by the Colonial Committee for Peace, and approved by the Economic development Council of Jamalika, in order to ensure the harmonious exploitation of Jamalika, in the interest of all. They were signed by Governor Rapto and the Red Representative Comittee of the Rastalikpa people. The Colonial Committee for Peace has full power to enforce them.

Rastagun 1: Rapto? Who is he?

Rastagun 2: He is the one who challenged Bobmarlik in his cave.

 

 

forbidden

The cult of Pastaphallic is forbidden

Rastagun 1: Hey? Pastaphallic? Who is he?

Rastagun 2: He is Rastafalik, but they read the letter rho as a P.

Rastagun 1: Hey, but it is terrible, if we die we can no longer go to the paradise of the Rastalikpas!

 

 

forbidden

All the symbols of the cult of Pastaphallic are forbidden and must be destroyed

Rastagun 1: But how do we do? There are on all the houses!

Rastagun 2: They will want us to demolish all the houses!

 

 

It is notorious that the priests of the cult of Pastaphallic are the main advocates of violence. So:

forbidden

The Black Hats are forbidden. Helping a priest of the cult of Pastaphallic entails death penalty.

 

 

forbidden

Only the Phallo alphabet is allowed.

Any other alphabet will be considered as an ostentatious sign of belonging to the cult of Pastaphallic. Any document written with a forbidden alphabet must be destroyed.

 

 

forbidden

For hygiene reasons, all the Rastaguns will have to wear bras

Rastagun 1: Oooh nooo it is sooo incomfortable... But why???

 

 

forbidden

Sexual acts in the position of the Likpatus are forbidden

Colon: Hey, why???

Idiot Colon: It is to make them think at us even in their intimacy!

Colon: Is it really useful?

Idiot Colon: No, but all this is just a mise en scène. When we force them to think at us, we steal their mind, and it gives us the feeling of existing!

Colon: I don't like this business.

Idiot Colon: You are weak, you intelliktuals. If we were not here, you would be all killed for long!

Colon: I think that if you were not here, we could communicate with the indigenes, and there would be no slaughters and no terrorism. But the havoc is irretrievable now.

 

 

forbidden

In order to avoid an emotional hyper-sensitivity, breast feeding is limited to six months.

 

 

forbidden

From modesty, clothes with loud colours are forbidden.

Only grey, brown, khaki or grey-green are allowed. Cotton fibres with excessive colours will have to be mixed, in order to obtain rational colours. Existing clothing will have to be greyed with black die, or destroyed.

 

 

forbidden

From respect of grammatical rules, it is forbidden to say «thou».

This ugly habit denotes insolence and it shall be physically punished.

 

 

forbidden

It is forbidden to smile without a reason.

Smiling without a reason is outrageously insolent.

However, from humanity, it is allowed to smile into legitimate occasions: when earning dols, when advancing into the social competition toward a higher rank, etc.

 

 

forbidden

It is forbidden to wear long hairs.

It was found that persons wearing long hairs have less chances to find a swork. So this measure intends to reequilibrate the chances into the competition of the swork market.

 

 

forbidden

It is forbidden to sit in the lotus position.

It is known since centuries that this position is conductive of very offensive spiritual dreaming.

 

 

forbidden

Round houses are forbidden.

The dirty and backward-looking ratan baskets shall be destroyed. The indigenous must build rationnal and square houses, with walls made of breeze-blocks good for health, and roofing into hygienic corrugated steel. The indigenous who are not slaves will have to find swork to be able to bbuy the materials, or recycle scraps.

Rastagun: Eeeh, but if there is the thunderstorm under the ground, we shall receive all your breeze-blocks on our heads!

Idiot colon: You bunch of idiots! Thunderstorms under the ground are a New Age conspiracy theory! Did you see any?

Rastagun: Yes, the last happened 227 years ago!

Idiot colon: So it is improvable! A belief!

 

 

Control

In order to facilitate the application of these commands, each Rastalikpa village will host a monitor, nominated by the Red Representative Committee of the Rastalikpa People.

The controller is enticed to gather anonymous information of any Rastalikpa who would observe violations of these commands.

Young fascist: This is good, but how all this will help us catch the terrorists hidden in the woods?

Old fascist: Eh, I don't care running the woods to catch them. As long as they are running, they are useful for us, as a pretext, you understand, to stalk the Rastalikpas.

Young fascist: Yes, but while you have fun, colonists are being killed!

Old fascist: And then, what the heck about them, on the contrary, the more they get killed, the more money they give us for having fun. All the fascists always do like this. At a pinch, we could organise ourselves false colonists attacks, but this gargamol Mahaphallo will not allow us.

Young fascist: Me, I came to bring ORDER.

Old fascist: Bah, you will understand too, if there is peace, people like peace, and they no more want of us. So we need to keep the problems high, and carefully avoid to solve them.

Young fascist: But, however, they are NIGGERS

Old fascist: Ah, yes, this is a problem, that we are allowed to have fun only with niggers. I would like so much to torture a white scragun, but we are not allowed. We need to invent a conspiracy theory as what some Whites support the niggers.

Young fascist: Eh, there are already some who do, and oppose slavery!

Old fascist: Ah, the cretins. Ordinary people are born to be slaves of us strong people.

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The war of the phallos        Page 133