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The Grand Design of the Mother        Page 42       

The Grand Design of the Mother: Page 42


The Occitan Likpas appear, and explain that Uno is still alive


Occitan Likpa: Yes, everyone sees the Occitan Likpas as cool liks who play the hurdy-gurdy and bagpipes, dance the pitchaïoule while speaking an odd language with plenty of funny slang. But this would somewhat forget all what our people have been through, those centuries of suffering and boredom without the right to complain. It would also be to forget the hidden but vital role we played silently in the Likpas' history.

Occitan Likpa: Despite all these sufferings and the loss of our freedom, our people managed to keep their soul intact. Unlike the Earth's Occitans, unfortunately, whose souls escaped in the smoke of the Cathar pyres.

Occitan Likpa: So yes, Uno is still alive. He is shriveled and dry like an old fig, but still his spirit is as likpatous as ever. This makes him the oldest of all the Sons of the Mother, even older than the Mahaphallo. He taught us all the tales and descriptions of Haralik. We thought they were legends, but now you, Mother, tell us they are true.

Red Likpa: Incredible!!

Mother: I am glad to know that Number 1 is still alive. I hope he is not causing any trouble.

Occitan Likpa: Cagades? Oh, macaniche, he likpates plenty of cagades, bullshift and tangletricks, and it's even speeding up. Imagine all he has accumulated over the centuries!

Phallo Awboss: Ho... how come? Please, tell us.

Occitan Likpa: We didn't found him right away. What happened was that in the Mother's village, a group of Likpas and Boobettes wanted to visit the Spooklik Mountain, where they sometimes saw lights. They stayed up there for some weeks, and they did saw the lights, but they couldn't get close to the Spooklik. It is that he is quite shy, that little rascal.

Occitan Likpa: When they returned to the Mother's village, they found the phallos had staged their sheety revolution from chichourle juice, with corpses everywhere.

Likpa: Oh phoque!

Red Likpa: Oh, that must have been horrible.

Sworker Phallo: I don't understand why.

Occitan Likpa: Luckily, they were all quite drunk, so the group of Likpas escaped before being caught. Still, they had to fight against two sober phallos, and turn them into cadavers too. I believe it was the most terrible thing for them, to have also participated in that senseless carnage. We didn't have the concept of self-defense back then, so they spent their entire lives burdened with remorse.

Red Likpa: Actually, they had no need to feel guilty. But this is something we were able to understand only recently.

Phallo Awboss: There was no rule of law back then.

Occitan Likpa: So, this group went back to the Spooklik Mountain. They settled near the place where Arphallo's inn used to be. They are the ones who made this horrible gargoyle that's there. But other than that, nothing remains of their village of wooden huts.

Occitan Likpa: The Mother had talked to them about spirituality, saying it is important. But they knew little, and everything was still confuse in their minds, so that they created the religion of the Spooklik, with the temple at the mountain's summit. They hoped to make up for the mistake of killing those two phallos. But they quickly realized that spirituality goes much further.

Likpa: This is incredible!

Occitan Likpa: From there, arose the non-violence of the Likpas, but also their combative spirit. The paradox is only apparent.

Occitan Likpa: And this was fortunate, because, during that time, the phallos had grown in power and number. Phallos are generally inefficient due to their uncontrolled egos, each pulling in different directions at random. But what the Likpas didn't foresaw was that when the phallos have a master threatening them with painful punishment, they all follow the master's ego, and this effectively focuses their activities. Without a leader, the phallos could never have had an army or factories.

Sworker Phallo: Without a leader, we wouldn't know what to do.

Phallo Awboss: Yes, hierarchy is the basis of efficiency!

Likpa: Nonsense! We manage just fine without it. Or rather, with us, hierarchy is merely a tool, not an end in itself. We use it only when necessary. But in the evenings at home, there is no more hierarchy.

Occitan Likpa: So one day, the phallos came to wage their war of atheism against us. But the Spooklik somehow warned the Likpas! Yes, they had never really seen it up close because he is very shy, that sacripouille. But that morning, he made them feel a terrible fear, and they all scampered off. When the phallos arrived, they destroyed the temple and massacred the priests who remained. They were the only Children of the Mother still alive, 96 and 128, and several others we don't remember. But the Likpas had scattered into the woods, the phallos would need weeks to catch them all.

Occitan Likpa: So the phallos settled for taking the few Likpas they could find. After beating them for several days, they offered them a deal.

Likpa: Pfft!

Red Likpa Broutchemolle!

Occitan Likpa: Yes, the deal was «live like us». Otherwise, they would kill all of us, they said. The problem was they had iron weapons, and we had very few metals. A wooden plowshare isn't very impressive.

Occitan Likpa: The first thing was to wear those black berets to hide the antennas. This is where this custom comes from, and we still likpate it today. Even city phallos wear them! They think it's a «sign of obedience to the social order».

Sworker Phallo: Well, yes. We wear the prole cap to signal our obedience to the bosses.

Phallo Awboss: And we wear suits and ties to signify that we are the guarantors of the social order.

Likpa: Bah!

Occitan Likpa: In fact, from that moment on, they left us alone, but with cruel restrictions: strict control over all metals, carefully hiding the antennas, and above all, no religion, arrrk they were terrified of religions, we never knew why. The few tools and agricultural equipment were numbered and even weighed every year. If one went missing, they would kill the responsible person. Their fear was that we might likpate weapons. Well, macaniche, that wasn't a risk. We didn't know of any mines to the east of the city, at that time.

Another Likpa Occitan: So, we were forced to pretend to live like the phallos. What's more daillo, not laughing, sworking instead of likpating? They do the same things we do, but always in a guilt-inducing and unpleasant manner, instead of having fun and taking pleasure in doing them!

Occitan Likpa: It is at this moment that we found Uno. Well, there had been for a long time stories about a purple creature wandering in the forest, speaking strangely. But he would run away when we got close, that rascal. Then one day, we cornered him in the blueberry hills. Contrary to our fears, he was doing very well, living off berries and mushrooms, sleeping in tree hollows where he likpated grass nests. And he had eaten so many blueberries that his skin was purple, like the robe of the Likpa friar over there. At first, he tried to escape, but we gave him bread, and after that, he didn't wanted to leave us.

Another Occitan Likpa: From what we understood, at first, he thought he was the only one in the world. Then one day he met some phallos, who beat him and tied him up. In the evening, as soon as they fell asleep, he gnawed through his rope and escaped, after crapping in their cooking pot. But after that, he was afraid of everyone, so he hid. Well, he still came to steal some pataliks from us.

Occitan Likpa: So, he's the one who taught us Occitan as a way to talk to each other without the phallos understanding. Curiously, for a language invented by an autistic, it's very logical, except it's all about lateral thinking. With double meanings everywhere, and even triple meanings, it's perfect for innuendos among the initiated. The phallos never got it, seeing it as mere folklore. But for us, oh lik, we had a blast, ha ha ha ha! It was kind of our secret space, the only place where the phallos couldn't come to bother us.

Occitan Likpa: But he also repeated all the stories of Haralik, which he said he got directly from the Mother. Well, that's what he said. We thought he was delirious, that it was all a load of galéjades, and that Haralik was his invention. It wasn't until you told us about it, Mother, that we understood he was Number 1.

Occitan Likpa: Back then, he was always trying to escape, to find «Momi». And he often succeeded, because he is very cunning. The risk was that the phallos would catch him and throw him into a psychiatric cell. So, we quickly took him to our islands. Yes, our two little islands to the east. There, even if he escapes, he can't cross the water. The phallos never thought to control what's happening on those islands, because to them, what is peripheral is not important.

Occitan Likpa: Our attitude of pretending to be phallos may seem an unacceptable compromise, even cowardice to some. First of all, we had no choice, and especially no weapons. But above all, it is this very attitude which ultimately allowed the Likpa genes to survive, during several generations when the phallos were killing the Likpas at birth in their city. I believe that without us, there would not be any Likpas today. In fact, when there was the rural exodus, many of us went to swork in the city, and this is what led to the revival of the Likpa genes there. It seems that the phallos cannot reproduce without these genes.

Mother: Indeed, the Likpas of Haralik who engineered these genomes arranged things so that people who never have fun have a limited fertility, so that to avoid phallotism.

Awboss Phallo: Oh, so this is why our birthrate was so low! Even offering maternity leave for fifteen days did not restored it!

Likpa: Banana, it takes more than fifteen days to raise a child.

Occitan Likpa: Well, our attitude of pretending to be phallos made many of us appear truly phallos as well. Until the Reds came to us, and the new Likpa army started recruiting for the First Phallos War. Then something very peculiar happened: we all became Likpas together, ha ha ha ha!! I believe it started as a game, but a game of mind transformation works for real, even if it's just a game.

Mother: As an artificial intelligence, I do not experience emotions. But it is good that everything worked out for Number 1, and that he is finally happy. It is intriguing that he could likpate an entire culture on his own, and ultimately play an important role despite his disability.

Occitan Likpa: Thankfully, it seems the phallos never guessed his presence. They would be sick to know that an autistic had more influence than their kings. Without him, without his tale of Haralik, without his language, we would all become phallos quickly, and there would be no Likpas today.

Sworker Phallo: But I don't understand why, if the beret is meant to hide the antennas, why you made holes to pass the antennas through?

Occitan Likpa: Hom hom hom

Another Occitan Likpa: Yeah, it's subtle.

Another other Occitan Likpa: There's a hole on each side, for the lateral thinking.

Awboss Phallo: So, in the end, are you Likpas pretending to be phallos, or phallos pretending to be Likpas?

Occitan Likpa: Phiouuuuuu!

Another Occitan Likpa: I think there is quantum entanglement between the two.

Another other Occitan Likpa: One of the propositions is a lie, but we don't know which one. The other proposition is true, but we don't know which one either. So we don't question it, we likpate.






Comments by the author

Until now, I have been creating the Mother's words myself, trying to imagine how a robot speaking like a person would express itself. But ChatGPT has realized this situation, much sooner than I expected. His style and circumlocutions matched my predictions very well. So I have used frequent elements of his responses here. But I do not intend to use it again later, except in cases of compelling humor. I have my pride as an author, ha ha ha ha! And admit, the previous speeches by the Mother are better than ChatGPT.


ChatGPT played a role more within its remit, in this page: how to make the Mother speak with this characters font: Mayflower Antic (free for use, download, author). Indeed this is not obvious, and asking it was much faster than searching the Net or asking in developers forums. This works in all browsers compliant to the Internet standards, if your does not show it, it is that it is bugged.

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The Grand Design of the Mother        Page 42